The other day, I wanted to ask Irene to show me a photo that I could share in which it reflected her thoughts in terms of how she normally feels every day. She gave me this one along with dozens of others. However, I liked this one better because it displayed a certain sign of emotion that made me think about what she told me the other night. Even though we are in two different states. I still have plans to go and see her sometime soon. In this image I can see a very mystical human being with great potential in their life. 
Someone who is peaceful in their world, and is aware of being vulnerable to how dangerous humanity can be. Perhaps one can understand and see that as a creationist of artwork and cultural ideals. This woman would find some form of fascination in what I do. Never the less, she has something on her mind that reveals a story unlike any other. 
I can never tell how she often feels or what she sees through her vision. Then I learn on my own its my responsibility to design her visions. When she wished to hand over her life to me as something to control. I thought "How did I earn such a right?" Its nearly every man's dream to be in control of a woman who never talks back, never questions his authority. These are attributes she posses due to her extreme attraction toward my ideologies of what I am capable of. Unfortunately in order to understand Irene's mind aside from the character she was based upon. From the time I could feel her in a dream touching my face, her hands were very cold..Cold enough to send a shiver down my spine. 
I thought that I was kissing a ghost on the lips then I lose my soul to someone I met and loved. 
I had awakened the next day from the dream, that dream of being inside of a DOLL's mind. I felt myself feeling rather strange within her body, exploring areas I dared to challenge without fear or frustration. No human on earth has ever made me feel this way simply from indulging in the pleasures of what they appear to be thinking of when they are alone. 
I truly admire Irene and what she does. The difference from being my girlfriend, wife, or lover is that she is neither of those things but very willing to be one of those things or possibly all of them. From what I know, she wants to be closer to me in a different state of mind and though the only way I will have her completely is to run toward the pale light that I can see every time I close my eyes and see her smiling...Shes there waiting for me. Calling out to me, her creator to come and rescue her from the world that threatens her very existence. 
As I fought my way through, I had the chance to speak to a fortunate girl. Someone who was drawn to intelligence, respect, dominance, and extraordinary ambition. Irene is an elegant woman who is quite polite in every nature. She is unlike any person you've ever seen or met. What are you thinking of? What can you see? And How do you see it? In what way do you live your current life Irene? The questions I have asked, she answers such questions knowing that I am a very strict individual that craves success and nothing but the right answers. I explained that I wasn't someone who was like others she possibly have met in the past. 
I was different, I embraced things that most people feared, I developed a distaste for perfection in terms of people. I considered mistakes as a way of learning. I think of myself as a very powerful man who takes nothing for granted in life. Despite how far I've come, I have been disappointed by human beings the majority of my life. Irene chooses to be someone that makes me happy, someone that wants to be protected. After the other night before she turned in for the night, she called me her creator. I accepted that role in her life.
In our world, a Creator and His Doll (creation) go far beyond ordinary relationships. A doll can never release herself from the creator. To do that, the creator must release the person within from the Doll world in which their mind has adjusted to.

"Diary of a Black Woman"

THE MUSIC WAVE OF ART

As you can see from the image above, yes I know the quality isn't that great because of this website. But anyway that image is from a short story I wrote about the nature of Black women growing up in modern American society and how they might be perceived in other countries. It is an honest bet that most Black "artist" in the music industry such as Nicki Minaj is giving a lot of black women bad names the same way Lil Kim did before she became another unlikable artist that faded out with the rest of them. But every time I look at Nicki Minaj I'm thinking, "wow, that is a ugly ass black woman. She must think she's white or something." I mean she wouldn't be the first black female "artist" that dyed her hair god awful colors, or thinks that she actually looks good with pink lipstick on those ugly as hell big lip dick sucking lips of hers. Apparently most black women are jaded just like the men. You rarely hear anything positive about these people at all, and yes I am a black man who speaks very realistically about this. I'm not one of those black people that is ashamed of his own race that he has to claim he's half Korean or some shit like that just to avoid some form of discrimination. Believe me I've met a lot of black people that claim their something else when deep down their just black. Its still a challenge for me to take any black artist in today's thriving culture seriously at all. Most of them can't sing, dance, and some of them are wannabe's that try hard to imitate some of the 90's musicians that were actually quite good. When you think back about what I said regarding Nicki Minaj, shes the embarrassment of black people just like lady Ga Ga is internationally. You will see Japanese girls trying to look like her, and its very pitiful when you need to go out of your way simply just to copy someone you either know nothing about or your just some annoying fan that hasn't grown up yet to know the difference between being inspired or influence versus imitating. White and Black women in America aren't the only victims of idolizing. The same principle can be applied to foreigners that listen to terrible artists as well. Most of the real true black artists and yes even Caucasian ones came from later generations from the past. They were actual pioneers of music and artwork that honored the purpose behind music and art. Most people are familiar with classical artist Ludwig Beethoven, but he wasn't the only classical artist of his time that invented perfectly good classical music. There was people like Wolfgang, Antonio, Mozart, and so on and so forth. They incorporated a style of music that your typical generic pop artist would never be able to compete with. And then came the wave of black musicians and artists that invented Jazz, Blues, Rock, and etc. Yet very few people know the names of these artist. Ask any kid or person over in Japan who Ludwig is and they would probably know him because his mom or dad forced him to play classical music like the majority of foreign parents tend to do to their kids, Trying to mold them into the Asian version of a Caucasian artist. But then ask them to name at least one black artist from a past era that is no longer recognized, they wouldn't be able to tell you a single name. Yes they know who Michael Jackson is, only because the guy looked White and most Asians idolize Caucasians that is why most of the Asian Pop singers (especially Korean and Japanese Pop) are cheap imitations of American Pop stars. They don't even have their own rhythm, style, or anything its all cheaply imitated based on what we were doing here in America since the 1980s, and people only listen to that stuff because all the musicians are young and "attractive" girls and the guys are usually backstreet boy wannabe's. The mass majority of new comers will easily tell you that MJ influenced their style of dance, its an excuse to get away with copying. In all honesty pop music isn't really real music. Its called pop for a reason And that's because it's "popular." All forms of music fit the category if it was popular at one point and suddenly died. Classical music was popular, but it was an art form to those that created it. That's what made it popular in the first place. Music like Disco was only popular because of the style of disco, once the style died the music went right with it.

The BLACK WRITER

But the point of this subject was never geared toward music in the first place. Its about me as an uprising new artist who prides himself on deep story telling. No one really appreciates Black artists at all, and the only way to become known in this world is to do things differently from everyone else. Your fan base will be small compared to those who simply rip others off by stealing their ideas and style. This is because the world is full of lazy and sorry people that can get away with not working hard or achieving their own accomplishments. Do you honestly believe that  guys like Christopher Nolan who stole concepts and ideas from popular crime movies would have been able to make Batman a huge success if it had to compete against movies like Titanic, Star Wars, or Avatar during the time those movies were showing in theaters? It wouldn't have grossed as much as it did, the movie had no competition. As an artist I crave competition all the time, and I want to be the best writer that I can be. When I write stories, I try to make them as immersible as possible without holding back on the raw and chilling details. I'm not Stephan King, but artists like him are constantly in the spot light. All the greatest writers and even the poorest writers of all time have always been White whether they were American or European they seem to outshine every one else. No one knows that Steven Hughes was the one that created Evil Ernie, or the deadly Lady Death including the infamous Purgatory comic books and characters. Yet they do seem to remember Seth Mcfarlene. When I became a writer I wanted to do it internationally. No one believed that it would be possible to accomplish or do, that's because I'm Black and most people aren't interested in a Black artist. Living in a world full of closed minds is shameful, the fact that your average killer in society that possibly molest children comes from a race that is highly praised and idolized as being perfect by idiots on a global scale. Every day I write stories related to life and stories built in a fictional world that doesn't revolve around non-fiction. I have a few people that support what I can do, and they are dear friends. I work for a website that truly does lack black artists of any kind, so when a black artists comes along and writes stories that he believes has plenty of potential. They are not use to it. It seems really new to them. I told my brother that I wanted to be the first black man in history that comes out on top as a damn good writer that is known through out the world. I refuse to let racism prevent me from doing what I love the most. Women had to deal with the very same problem. When readers discovered that the author of a famous book was written by a woman they were shocked. Before the books became popular if they knew that the author was a woman, that book failed to sale well. So when these female authors started using their initials instead of their full name, their books would sale globally and no one would ever know that the author was a woman. Now female artists that write don't have this issue like they did years ago. If this were the case, the author of Harry Potter wouldn't be making money on her books anymore. Everyone knows shes a woman.

"My world is chaos without peace"

Good evening, my name is...Well my name isn't important right now. Tonight I'm feeling a little gloomy on Christmas day. Remember when I was a child growing up all those years ago? December was my favorite time of year. My mom would put up the Christmas tree, and we would all decorate it together. Sometimes my  "cousins" would come over to stay the night while my mom would lock herself in her bedroom with me and my brother's gifts. Every December was different than the last, and I enjoy them all until I reached the age 20 and I was no longer receiving real gifts anymore. That morning I came into the living room, me and my brother were excited when we seen our gifts sitting underneath the tree. We unwrapped them with smiles on our faces..But what we received was not what he had expected. My mother had finally stopped caring about buying us things that made us happy. When we opened those gifts, we had pajamas and socks. We both felt insulted and walked away from the tree unhappy. It was then that I had to start accepting the fact...I was getting older, and my family was no longer caring anymore. So today I am here tonight feeling down. On my 26th birthday on October 10th, 2012 I remember applying for a job I desperately wanted...It would have made me the happiest man alive if I had got that job, but instead I was turned down by a black manager who went and hired two Russian men instead of me..I had to wake up, and started to believe the stories I was told about how blacks were the biggest ingrates on earth that never believed in sticking together. But they are good at bitching when a white man beats their own, yet the same day a black man can rape a child or beat another black man and no one would care simply because black on black crime is overlooked in black communities.

This alone made me develop a strong distaste for living amongst black people, but it didn't force me to accept others as a substitute. On my 26th birthday, I can still remember myself crying real tears down my cheeks because I was denied employment again. This time it happened on my birthday, my mother had forgot I turned 26, I was hurt deeply by this and couldn't help but to break down in tears. I told her I hated feeling like a failure, I admitted that I was a failure. She tries to comfort me by telling me I wasn't...But I know the truth. All my life I tried to strive for greatness only to be overlooked or ignored by people that refused to give me a chance to prove what I'm worth. When I failed college and they expelled me at American River for poor grades. I had to redeem myself rather than wallowing in despair because of it. I chose to borrow a loan, something I regret doing. After spending nearly 4 years in a half at Westwood college, I had no choice but to leave by withdrawal. Now that I have a 40K loan to pay back, my life seems to be getting a lot worse. To deal with the pain, I decided to look for love...Something I haven't done in a really long time. I joined several websites for people looking to date women from other countries...Part of the reason why I did this, was due to the lack of interest in American or Americanized women. I wanted someone different, someone refreshing. A woman that understood me and my problems without criticizing or making me feel guilty simply because I'm an adult. When a woman reminds a man that he is no longer a child and makes him feel as if he is not allowed to be human, it becomes a problem. Most American women lack respect and don't know a damn thing about being a real woman. The issue I was having with meeting women from other countries was that most of them were very bad at communication. Not because their English was terrible, but because they just didn't know what to say or they spoke like they were inexperienced in socialization. This issue appeared mostly with Asian women (Filipino, Japanese, Thai, etc). I felt like I was competing against Caucasian men all the time, this alone took all the fun out of it.

Despite the shortcomings. I told myself the other day that I would make the year 2013 a year to remember...Then I realized I said the same thing in 2011 before 2012 rolled in and 2012 was just a year that didn't result in the world ending like everyone around the world was expecting.